I can change my behaviour in a heartbeat, but I’ll never change yours in a lifetime

I got divorced in my late 30s and it threw me to my knees.

For the first time I thought to myself that maybe a few of my problems just might be of my own making, and nothing to do with other people or circumstances. Sounds trite, but it was a great realisation for me because I could start looking at my part in every single situation.

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I’d always had friends who visited the Alcoholics Anonymous programme and, although I didn’t believe then that I qualified for membership, I had been to observe some of their meetings and was impressed.

I learned that by listening carefully I could understand much better what was going on with others and myself, and that within myself was an enormous wisdom that already knew most of the answers if I could only tune in to them.

I also realised that my excuses and justifications and blame only served as barriers to achieving what I wanted. They were “rackets” that I had skilfully built around me to justify why I couldn’t do this or that.

Love your family

Charlotte Woodroffe

If l’m in a conflict and it is 90 per cent your fault and just 10 per cent mine, I know I can’t change what you do, but I can create a 10 per cent shift in the situation by changing my part. This often works wonders.

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    Conflict

  • What are the “rackets” that stop you moving forward?

  • Create a systematic search – you are especially looking for the things that “you don’t know that you don’t know.”

  • When you get to “I don’t know” ask, “What would the answer be if I did know?” (It’s a great line to use with someone else too!)

  • You already know all the answers, if only you’d listen to yourself. This is just as true for business decisions as for emotional change.

  • When you get a parking ticket you can get over it immediately or spend an hour, a day, or a week being angry about the injustice of it …

  • … the person who gets hurt if you prolong it is you.